There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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