I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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