I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
