im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
