i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize