i permit you to call me
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Congratulations! We have a period
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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