Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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