First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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