ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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