How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
