So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
