My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
