you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
