My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
