I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
