I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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