mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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