dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize