fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
