You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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