I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize