if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
