we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
