Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
