I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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