pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
