i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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