Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
