the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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