i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
