and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
