I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
