u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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