I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
