Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
