Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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