Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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