he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
