No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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