Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize