if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize