i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
