He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
