She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
