I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
