just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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