I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize