I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
