im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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