So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
