i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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