it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
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