im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I know her cup size but not her name....
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
