So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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