she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
