Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
