He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
