It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
