I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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