Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
