Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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