eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
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