Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I looked at my own cervix.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
