I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
