too bad you live with your parents still
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
