Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I FOUND THE LEGS
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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