For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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