I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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