I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
