if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize