My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Randomize
