I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
