Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
