i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
