Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
