I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
